Guy+Dantz



1. Guy and Gaia Dantz are our stage names. We prefer it to our legal names.

2. Apparently, we are required to state our legal names. We don’t know why. Anyway, my legal name is Consuela Ur. And my name is Murray Smith.

3. We work with Lana Gwige and her pet. We are their warm-up act.

We are currently touring with Lana and her bird. Our tour began in DC, will continue through the states, and then we are scheduled to travel to Europe, China, Japan, New Zealand, and parts of South America. The whole thing concludes in California.

On the night in question, I believe, our show went as usual. Which is to say we were brilliant, as usual, and Lana and the bird were adequate. Good, one might even say, but hardly artists. It is unfortunate that so many people are satisfied with entertainment that is so low-brow. I mean, for goodness sake; are we living in the ninteenth century? Are people actually willing to pay money to see a mime and a talking parrot? Can anyone say carnival sideshow?

Of course, that’s how the parrot got his start. Lana’s uncle, “Wolfman,” was the hairy man with a traveling carnival. He won the parrot in some bet, then used him in his act. Honestly, though, we don’t mind performing with the bird and mime….well, Gaia doesn’t at least. We’ve already had several rave reviews, and the critics have been wildly enthusiastic about me..I mean us. Sorry, Gaia.

We are using Lana, really. She and the parrot draw the crowds, and then, when they’re exposed to the kind of art we create, they become converts. They really do. Anyone who has seen true ballet in its purest form finds all other entertainment shallow in comparison. We are true artists, and people can’t help but be drawn to the poetry of our dance.

Actually, we left before Lana and Einstein even performed. I had a sore ankle, and I needed to put ice on it. Guy came with me. I last saw them as they were making their entrance on stage. As far as we’re concerned, the bird’s disappearance doesn’t matter that much. The tickets are already sold, and I know that after seeing us, the audiences won’t mind too much that the second act isn’t there. We have enough material to fill Lana’s portion of the show anyway.

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