Sy+Entz

Sworn Statement of Sy Entz

1. My name is Sy Entz.

2. I am zoologist currently employed as a researcher at Shiny Smells Nice Shampoo factory. I conduct chemical tests on lab rabbits. Lana Gwige and Einstein are my next door neighbors in my apartment building.

3. On the night in question, I returned home late from work, around 7:00. I went into my apartment. I fixed myself Ramen noodles with sweet yogurt sauce. I watched Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood. Then I watched Smallville on the new CW. That’s my favorite show. Then I watched Supernatural. Shortly before Supernatural was finished, I heard Lana screaming. I went out of the apartment. She was having hysterics in the hall. She said Einstein was missing.

I don’t really know Lana well at all. She doesn’t like me. Whenever I ask Einstein out to dinner Lana says he can’t go. One night I rented The Birds from Hollywood Video, but Lana said Einstein couldn’t come over and watch it. She’s mean to me. I just wanted Einstein to be my friend.

I don’t know what happened to Einstein. I didn’t see or hear anything. I was just sitting in my apartment eating noodles and watching TV.

Subscribed and sworn to under the pains and penalties of perjury.